Need to work

I don't know how I've managed this, but I think I have four jobs to do this weekend. If I don't sleep, I think I can do it. But I'm just so tired.....

Anyway, I've just ordered my mother's Mother's Day present--which her husband and, I hope, I will get to share (it's food). But it costs an arm and a leg and I really can't afford it. Esp. since I went to the dermatologist today ($50) and then filled the prescription he gave me ($119). I do have my health insurance premium, but May rent? Not so much.

Sigh.

That kind of day

It's an odd spring day today here in NYC and the wind and the sun together are bringing back memories for some reason. Lazing around on the deck of a boat moored in City Island--it'd be too windy for sailing, so we'd just lay around, John would tinker with the engine or other things. We'd make love below decks, with the waves mirroring our movements, the warm sun streaming down through the open hatch over the double bunk.

A nice memory.

There was a flash of an even earlier memory, of laying on the grass in the park across from our house, or maybe even our own lawn, watching the wind blow through the trees and the flowers and the bushes and the grass and trying to think of how to describe how I felt, but not having the words. I still don't. Except I know I didn't want days like that, moments like that to end. I remember feeling deep sadness when I noticed the light changing, the sun moving toward the horizon. Melancholy, that's the word for that, at least.

Needing help

I'm beginning to think I need an intervention. I wonder if there's a 12-step group for Solitaire.

I've been thinking a bit about 12-step programs lately, partly because a friend posted on his vlog the other day, questioning whether he was an alcoholic and I left a comment with a link to AA's 12 questions.

But even before that, I was thinking that I may have drifted farther away from Al-Anon than might be good for me. In particular, I'm having trouble lately with being judgmental. Even when I was going to meetings, I had issues around this--I think one has to be able to maintain good judgement about other people and situations, but being judgmental is different than that. And, of course, it's a fine line. I think I've been stepping over that line since I stopped going to meetings, so maybe it's time for me to go back, at least a little bit. Or at least pay more attention to my own attitudes and not let myself fall into patterns that aren't healthy for me.

Which is something I should probably pay attention to anyway, since I'm going to see my mother in a couple of weeks.

Morning

Whether it's good or not remains to be seen--I'm still half-asleep, so I can't tell. I just stopped myself from opening up Solitaire, came here instead. Good, right?

Meanwhile, I've got a job I have to finish before my assistant gets here at 11:30. I can't really afford him, but there are so many, many things to do and I'm in "If you spend it, you will find the money" mode. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to put together my health insurance premium, but May rent? Hmm.....

I'm really wishing I hadn't bought plane tickets to go see my mother in a few weeks. Couple of weeks, really. For so many reasons, including my finances. But it's time and I'll spend my birthday with her and it's only three days. I'll live, right?

Tired, but happy

Spent a wonderful day with my old friend, Kat, yesterday. She treated me to high tea at the Plaza, then we went to a movie with Anthony Hopkins, then we walked down to the Algonquin, where we had Manhattans and shared some steak fries that had a ton of garlic and some chicken quesadillas. I just loved talking and talking and talking with her. I suppose if we had more time to spend together, we'd run out of things to talk about.

Naw, we wouldn't.

Anyway, today was also good. I had a nice breakfast--eggs and chicken sausage, with some zucchini cut up into the eggs and a little bit of cheddar cheese, all scrambled into something like a fritatta--except I don't broil it at the end. A bit of salsa, a bit of yogurt, yummy! Then, just a little while ago, I made Indian food. Punjab eggplant, Jaipur vegetables, rice, yogurt, eggplant relish and a new apple-pear chutney that has a little hotness to it, garlic naan...and the best part is, there's enough leftovers for two more meals. Which is how I frequently have this meal.

Of course, now I need yet another nap, but I have work to do. I wish I'd win the damn lottery already, so I could just let other people do the work and I'd let the managers supervise them.

Someday.

Winning some battles

Losing the war, though. It's okay, I've got it down to a dull roar or something like that.

Anyway, I've been thinking about the state of the world lately (in part because of some work I'm doing). And I find myself thinking about how my life has gone, what things were like in the world 40, 50 years ago compared to the world we're living in now. And I find myself looking at the world through the eyes of someone like my young assistant, Mathew. He's 25 and smart and funny and kind and basically a very cool guy. And I've been watching his daily vlog and I can see him start to figure out things that I figured out years ago, only I was older than he is when I did so. But the world is so very, very different in many ways--and also way too much the same in others.

But I guess it's the perspective of history that I enjoy now that I know he can't have, because he's too young, and that intrigues me. He just hasn't lived long enough to know the kind of things that I know, just like I couldn't have the knowledge of my elders when I was growing up or even as a young adult. Like, what was it like to live through the Great Depression? Not that we're living through that now, not by a long shot--despite what some people may think or feel, our safety net is holding us together. Maybe not well or not without showing some strain, but it's there and there was nothing, absolutely nothing of that in the 30s. That's when the safety net came into being (thank you, Franklin Roosevelt). And I'm sure there's still things about the past that I don't understand or can't appreciate and maybe I never will.

But there's the anxiety of living in a very unstable world that's apt to fall apart at a moment's notice with no warning (hello, volcano ash?) and where our resources are being strained to the limit and where things happen incredibly fast that makes this time especially ... well, exhilarating, exciting and terrifying. It would be nice to have the cushion, if you will, of history's lessons to guide us, I think.

Lost day

Today has not turned out the way I envisioned. My plans to meet an old friend for lunch got postponed to next Tuesday (and is now high tea at the Plaza--woo-hoo!). So I figured I could get a bunch of other work done. And you'd think the reason I haven't, for the most part, been particularly productive is, y'know, solitaire. And while you'd be a little bit right, it's more that I ended up watching an entire movie this afternoon, while I was only planning on watching a little bit while I had breakfast and, later, lunch. Well, the lunch viewing ended lasting the entire film, I was that caught up in it.

"The Lake House" is Sandra Bullock (one of my favorite actresses, although I know she's not everyone's cup of tea) and Keanu Reeves (not usually one of my favorites, but he was fine in this). The supporting cast was great, the writing and directing fine. I noticed somewhere that this is a remake of a Korean film, of all things. It gets a bit confusing at times, esp. at the beginning, but it doesn't matter. It's a fine love story and ... I'm a bit sad and confused right now.

Which is probably why I think this is a good movie. Or at least it's one that I'd like to see again and again and I hope to get it on DVD soon (this was a Netflix rental).

Anyway, I think I'll go finish this really short job and then think about dinner. I have so much food in the house that I need to cook...and I don't feel like cooking at all. But I will feel incredibly profligate if I order in. Fortunately, I'm not hungry yet, so we'll see what happens.

Missed me?

Okay, so I skipped yesterday. The day got filled up with, yes, of course, solitaire. But also work. It was a job that I'd offered to someone and was relieved when she turned it down, because it occurred to me that I could do it myself. And so I did.

Today, I'm going to go off to do the laundry shortly, then I'll have something to eat (probably a scone from Ladybird Bakery) and then I'm going to walk over to the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens to check out the cherry blossom trees and see whatever else they have going on over there. Maybe there's some tulips left--they have magnificent tulips over there.

Of course, my allergies will be in full force, but I am willing to suffer for this, because it's going to be another beautiful spring day and I am bound and determined to take advantage of it. Tomorrow, it'll be raining, plus I have a lunch date with an old friend, so it's today or...well, next week, I suppose, but it's quiet enough right now that I can take this time.

On the way home, I'll stop at the post office and mail all the tax stuff I have to mail. Then, if I remember (and I really need to), I'll get another bag of kitty litter from the place on 8th Street. I'm hoping that fresh litter will get my poor cat to poop. I think the last time was Monday. He may have to start getting a different medication and it's not supposed to hide in food all that well and he may just starve instead. Weird cat metabolism, this one. The amitriptyline he's on usually gives cats diarrhea. Go figure.

Anyway, I'm off to the laundromat. Still my least-favorite chore, although I do it second-most-often.

Popping in

Just popping in here to say that, yes, I've played a bit of solitaire today, but really not that much and at least part of that time I was too tired to think straight and so it was probably the second-best use of my time (the first being to take a power nap, which is what I eventually did).

But I've gotten other stuff done, too, and expect to do more. And, thankfully, some work came in which I'm doing myself, since if there's no other work to be had, this will be the only income I have for today/tomorrow and I'm trying not to freak out, but I'm happy enough to have some actual work. If that makes sense. Too tired/busy to decide.

Ciao!

Lazy Sunday

It is a lazy Sunday, or at least that's how it's turning out. Which is a shame, because I doubled my antihistamine dose just so I'd have more energy today--or at least wouldn't pass out the way I did yesterday afternoon. And I didn't run out of steam so completely this morning the way I did last week on my way to tai chi. But I've still spent a lot of time on, well, yes, solitaire today, as well as watching West Wing episodes and, while I've also gotten some other stuff done, there's still that very long list of things I wanted to do yesterday that got carried over to today... and they're mostly not getting done today, either.

But tomorrow is another day, right? And today isn't over yet. And I did accomplish some things. Like, I had breakfast for a change, before going to tai chi. And I picked up a couple of things from Union Market (more muscat grapes!). I finished billing--unfortunately, there wasn't much to bill, it was very quiet last week. So, for a week in which I earned precious little money, I ended it by booking a plane trip to Florida to see my mother. I so very much don't want to go, but I need to for various reasons and I just bit the bullet. A friend has offered to front me the money, but the fare did drop somewhat again and I'd rather not owe it to him--I'd much rather take a bit longer to pay a couple of subcontractors and save my friend's generous offer for when I really need it. Which would presumably be when my stepfather or mother dies, since I'll have to go immediately and will probably require a "compassionate" fare, which is none-too-compassionate, really. Honestly, though, I shouldn't go, I've barely recovered financially from my holiday trip. I just don't see how I can put it off any longer and I will just have to buckle down again and save up for my next trip, later this year. Which will not be to Florida. It will be someplace: fun.

Anyway, I should start thinking about dinner. Pumpkin muffins will have to wait until tomorrow or the next day. As will potato latkes. Tonight, I'll make some more rice and the rest will be leftover Indian food.

I was just reading a short story and one of the two people in it looks at her life, at how she lives in a studio apartment, has no one over to visit, has no food in the house--basically, at how lonely she is. It hit home, a little. The thought had crossed my mind yesterday and again this morning that I could try calling my friend Louise to see if she had plans for today, maybe she'd like to get together--possibly even Tuesday, when the Botanic Garden is free. And I haven't done that. And I probably won't.

I wonder if I'm depressed. Nah. I'm just tired. Phooey.

Unstructured day

It's Saturday and I have zero work in-house. Which is a bit scary, actually. But that's not what's worrying me right now. No, right now, it's that I have too many things to do and all the time in the world (or at least the next day or so) in which to do them. And even having the weekend isn't enough time, really, to get them all done, so I have to make decisions about what to do with my time.

Of course, what I want to do is: nothing. This, however, is unacceptable. I suppose I should sit down and write a list of everything that needs and/or wants doing.

I've already gone shopping. I got some cash from my bank's ATM. Then I picked up some more meds from Spike's vet. Then I got some more cat food. Then I got some groceries from Union Market (fiddleheads! cheese! eggs! pear!). Then I walked to the bagel store and got an everything bagel and a quarter-pound of whitefish salad. Half of which I put on the bagel when I got home, after sauteeing the fiddleheads in butter and garlic with a skooch of salt and pepper and had that as a side dish. Yum!!!

Now I need a nap.

Quiet

It's very quiet here today. Not good. Not good because there's no work. No transcription work, that is. Sure, some may come in later, but it's been pretty quiet all week. I blame the holidays. But if it doesn't pick up again next week, I'll have to do something. Like start a Google adwords campaign.

It's also hot in here--79 degrees. And yet I haven't turned on the fan, let alone the airco. If I just sit here quietly, it's not uncomfortable. It's cooler outside, I could open a window. But then there's all those trees out there, with their allergens... Sigh.

I have played some solitaire today already, but at least some of it was by way of trying to figure out what chore I should tackle next. Of course, the rest of it was pure time-wasting. I'm going to have to stop beating myself up over this, maybe that'll free up my brain for other things. Like entering stuff into Quicken, at which I am terribly behind.

Mah jongg tonight--yay! Big question before that, though, is: do I do another round of laundry this afternoon or not? And, if yes, then should it be more towels or should it be blankets/sheets/the odd undies and socks? I hate having to make decisions.

Speaking of which, the one big thing I should do today is look at my brand-new IRA account and figure out where to invest it. I'm getting all sorts of advice on Echo, but not much specific. I think I'll have to browse around the Sharebuilder site and see if I can make heads or tails of it, at least enough to, yes, make a decision.

One of those days

Yes, it's been one of those days when there was one step forward, two steps back. I refer, of course, to solitaire. 'Nuff said?

Other than that, I did get some laundry done. A drop in the bucket, really, but I did it. And I went to the bank to make a deposit and saw a floor officer and had her make a change to my account so I don't have to pay 15 bucks for a wire transfer anymore and then I went to CVS and picked up my and Spike's prescriptions. And then I went and got some more groceries at Union Market (and they had more muscat grapes! Yum!). And I've just finally gotten back to the job I started this morning and which I really thought I'd finish tonight...but now I'm not so sure. We'll see. Oh, and I changed the sheets on the bed, so I'll get to sleep on clean sheets for a change.

I need to wash the dishes now. Fortunately, this is a chore I actually enjoy.

More work

Okay, so I'm trying to stay away (again) from solitaire. I have gotten some work done, mostly adminstrative stuff. I have just converted a couple of short videos that I have to transcribe and I suppose I should just do the transcripts, because I'm going out to dinner tonight with friends and I want to have beer or wine and I don't want to have to do this work when I get home.

I did do 13 minutes on the Nordictrack, which required a second shower today, which I'm sorry about. I could have simply waited to shower after the workout. Oh, well. But hey, 13 minutes, a minute more than last week. I really need to practice tai chi, too, but lately whenever I start, I end up with a cat hanging off my shoulder. I'll have to time it better so I do it when he's really, really asleep.

I need to snack on something now so I won't be ravenous when we get to the restaurant and I won't get all lightheaded on one sip of beer. I'm really looking forward to this place--we went there after my tai chi recital last December and then I went to San Diego the following week, where I had much, much poorer Mexican food. Go figure.

There was something else I was going to write about, but I guess I'll have to come back when I remember what it was.

work

Okay, so I've just indulged a little solitaire time, but since I don't have much else to do, it's all right. Especially since I did keep it to a minimum. Okay, that's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

Actually, it's not that I don't have anything I could be doing, I just don't feel like doing it right now. I have a ton of input to do into Quicken, for one thing. I think I still have one or two more invoices to get out and I should probably then look at whether I need to send out any statements. I could also look a little closer at some new transcription management software that I noticed yesterday and I could also (gasp!) work on my business plan. And think about/research ways that I could find more/better Sharks without having it take a whole heck of a lot of time.

And then I could have breakfast.

Stopped

Okay, I just stopped myself from going to play another round of Solitaire. What I really want to do is go take a nap. This would, I think, be a much better use of my time. At least, it won't hurt my hand and arm.

Oh, the magnolia tree is in full regalia today. Some petals have already started to fall, so tomorrow it will be a little less magnificent, but today it is simply splendid. And even as its finery falls, it will be beautiful for quite a long time to come.

I'm sure there's a nice metaphor in there somewhere, but I really do need a nap.

Yeah, okay

Yeah, okay, I'm back here because I've been losing the Solitaire Wars...again. But at least I resisted the urge this time long enough to come here instead.

It doesn't help either my blogging or my attempts to do something other than play computer card games that it's prime allergy season and the chronic fatigue that I thought I'd conquered is back with a vengeance. So if I'm at the computer, sometimes the most I can manage is mindless computer card games. And then I go to bed and get even less done.

So, yesterday I made progress on the one job I started on Friday, but I didn't finish it and I've already started it again today, but first I went to tai chi. While walking over there, which is usually not a big problem, for the second week in a row, I ran out of steam after about half a mile. I didn't stop, I just slowed to a crawl and, when I got there, I had to sit for 10 minutes before class started to get some energy back. The class was good, except Mr. Choey didn't do the usual qi dong exercises to start with. Still, I got a lot out of it. And got exhausted walking back home, but I stopped a couple of times--once for cat food (that they didn't carry, grrr) and once for brunch food (everything bagel, whitefish salad...b&w cookie--and the bagel was still warm when I got it home!).

I need to get the job done, do more billing and cook something for dinner tonight. Oh, yeah, I almost forgot that I stopped by Union Market, which is right by where I take the tai chi class. They had something I'd never seen before--pink muscat grapes. I bought some and, boy, are they delicious! It's going to be hard not to eat the whole, huge bunch today. I've already cleaned the stovetop and cut up the cauliflower that I've been wanting to cook for days now but I keep running out of steam and end up having cheese and crackers for dinner. I have hopes for actually cooking the stuff tonight, along with some rice and I have another Indian dish I can make and one leftover garlic naan, which I hope is still good.

I will try not to think about how bad my allergies are right now, considering that the end of April is usually the worst time for me. Meanwhile, the magnolia tree across the way is in full bloom, at last. Some of the blossoms on the lower branches, which get a bit less sun than the top, are still a bit closed, but that just means there'll be beauty for a while longer. The tree is now well over four stories tall. It's truly magnificent.

Okay, to work now.

It's Saturday, right?

All week long I've thought it was the next day. That is, Tuesday felt like Wednesday, Wednesday felt like Thursday, etc. Yesterday definitely felt like Saturday, so today really feels like Sunday. I'm kinda glad it isn't, because that would mean I'd have to be getting ready to go to tai chi and I'm just starting to drink my coffee and I'm comfortably ensconced in my chair at the computer.

I do have to go out this morning, though. I have to mail my brother's birthday present, which will probably get there late, but since I don't think he's going to like it--well, part of it he will like, but not all--it's probably okay. I'll try to remember to call him on Monday, at least.

Then I need to get milk and I need to get cat food. Then I can come home and get more work done. I didn't actually get much done yesterday. I mean, yeah, I went to the bank and then I actually went and got some laundry done, but work-work? Not so much. I think my allergies are just knocking me out and I find myself napping a lot and yet still getting tired, well, a lot earlier than I used to. I used to be a night owl! I want to be a night owl, I hate getting up early. But I didn't set the alarm last night--and I woke up spontaneously at 7. Phooey.

Oh, well, like is always full of these little changes, I suppose.

Today's another day

Okay, so I just went over my solitaire limit for the day. Well, I think I did, anyway, but since I haven't actually defined any such limit, per se, I can't be sure about that. Let's just say that I did, though, okay?

I also, in the process, came to the conclusion that I don't really need to do the laundry today. It would be nice if I did, but it can really wait until next week. I just suspect the laundromat may be rather crowded today, being a holiday and people may want to be doing their laundry before going away for the weekend. Of course, I could be completely wrong about this. But I have plenty of panties and socks and clothes and laundry can just wait until Monday or Tuesday.

I will, however, go to the bank today. I've got three checks to deposit, maybe more once the mail gets here. So I'll do that, buy another Megamillions ticket, maybe do some food shopping. I need to cook food today, although I am leaning towards having three breakfasts--the leftovers from yesterday's, some oatmeal with banana and raisins (or strawberries, if they're still any good) and, well, if I change my mind about the laundry, I'll get a scone of sort (apricot poppyseed? maple walnut?) from Ladybird Bakery. I suppose I could go there without going to the laundromat. It's just inconvenient.

I also need to, y'know, work. The webinar from Wednesday turned out to be another short one (thank goodness), so I'm hoping to get it half done today, the other half tomorrow and then I can have Sunday "off". As "off" as one can be when one is a business owner, that is.

Maybe more later. Maybe not.

April Fool's

Well, I just spent a little time with solitaire but, really, it's about all I have energy for, so it's not a big deal. I think allergy season is upon us, which is why I came home from seeing my accountant about taxes and then having lunch with a friend and I'm thoroughly, completely exhausted. I've already taken one nap and am about to have another. And this after 2.5 cups of coffee, 1.5 more than usual.

But I'm so glad I got to go out today. It's truly a beautiful day out there and I look forward to another day like this tomorrow, when I have to go to the bank ... and then do laundry. My least favorite chore. Well, okay, second-least favorite--I hate mopping floors the most.

Meanwhile, I'm happy to see that the humongous magnolia tree across the way looks unscathed from the rainstorms we had the last couple of days. And the blossoms are just beginning to open...