Sunday, July 10, 2011

Today

Today is a hard day and also, so far, a good day.

Good: Missing the bus and walking all the way to tai chi, even though I was a little late. Finding a bunch of new people in the class, the teacher starting them off very, very early in the process. Way, way too "beginner" for me, but I decided to appreciate the refresher course, the focus on the first few steps.

Good: Walking to Fifth Avenue and stopping in at the pet food store and finding some more cans of stuff Spike will eat. Reading sign up at the counter that informed me that I was, thankfully (I think) missing out on a cat adoption event that was going to start in 15 minutes.

Good: Finding great produce at the greenmarket, buying lots of different things, including artisan pasta and having awesome pork tacos from my favorite greenmarket cooks. Great food, really nice people, too.

Good/Bad: Not waiting for the bus to show up on Fifth Avenue to take two lousy stops to 9th Street and having it pass me before I got there. (Time lost! Exercise gained!)

Good: Finding things I needed at CVS and saving a bunch with some coupons.

Bad/Good: Missing the bus going up the hill to my place and so, yes, having to walk uphill back home. All of this walking that I had hoped not to do is presumably the universe's way of making me work off all the ice cream I ate last night.

Good: Stopping to talk to a very nice neighbor down the block and meeting her new puppy, while pausing to catch my breath on the way back up the hill.

Good: I had remembered to leave the A/C on before I left the house. It's off now, but it's nice and cool in here! It's on fan, and there's another new fan right behind me that my neighbor across the hall insisted on giving me. I took it with the understanding that he gets it back when he moves back to Brooklyn (and, we both hope, back into this building, though that's less likely).

Also good: Knee hasn't been hurting. Okay, a little bit, but nothing that required my cane.

It's John's birthday. Or, would have been. Add to it Derek Jeter's getting his 3,000th hit and my dear friend and wonderful Shark Lori missing it...I've been getting teary on and off all day so far. Her friend Jill, who is now also a Shark, said that she and Lori's widower will be going up to the cemetery next weekend. Her 42nd birthday would have been the 21st. I wish I could go with them.

It's getting to be another bad month, like September. My dad's birthday was the 24th, he died on the 27th of July. Ah, well, life is like that, I guess. There's good and there's bad and one is to be enjoyed and celebrated and appreciated and the other is to be dealt with and moved on from.

It's all good.

Saturday, July 09, 2011

Tomorrow

I just realized that tomorrow would have been John's 75th birthday.

If he were alive, this is a number that would be freaking me out. Probably freak him out, too.

And remembering his birthday brings up for me one of the biggest regrets of my life--that I didn't call him on his birthday when I could have. Knowing he'd been sick. Knowing he wanted to see me, hear from me. Not sure whether to do so would be good or bad for him or for me. Teaching me once again that, when in doubt, choose the positive, not the negative.

I still miss him. I can't imagine anyone ever being such a perfect (or, really, near-perfect) match for me, temperament-wise, with the same sense of humor, taste in movies, intelligence, etc., that he had.