More Bird by Bird

I spent some time today feeling like a complete failure. No, that's not quite right. I've spent some time this past week feeling like a complete failure. As a writer, that is. And a thinker, but being able to think is kind of a prerequisite for good writing, I think.

I'm reading all sorts of stuff that other people have written and are writing and I am thoroughly, completely intimidated and ashamed and frustrated and a lot of other feelings all wrapped up. Finally, the thought managed to enter my mind that, if I'm going to get any good at writing, I just have to keep doing it. And doing it. Over and over again.

So I just wrote for a few minutes on my novel. And I'm here. As for the novel, I think I may have written a phrase that won't get edited out at some point. I've also been editing old parts over the last couple or three weeks. I did at one point write some highly pornographic stuff that I knew would have to come out, in large part, so I did start to do some paring of that.

I also have to say that I'm having a horrible time with the chronology. I know what it is in my head, plus I've even written it down, but writing it in the book, that's far from there. Two of the three main characters have a history together (hence the sex) and there's a couple of marriages and some divorces and I haven't managed to write it so that it makes sense. But I keep telling myself that that's what the second draft is for.

I also really want to write some of the book in a second person's voice. And I know that's not how it's supposed to be done, but I hear her voice and it seems important to me to write it, but I don't want to lose the other character's voice, because he is the protagonist and he's who I started out writing about and I don't think I can show what happens to him without writing from his point of view, too. So this is all very experimental for me and we'll see what happens. I'm afraid that this is going to take some time.

I wish I could make a box like Steinbeck made for his editor. If I ever get an editor, she'll have to settle for lasagne or something.