Literally. I just don't seem to have any luck with getting new assistants. They come once or twice and that's it. I realize that working here and working with me presents certain challenges, but this is getting ridiculous. The latest excuse/reason is that there's too much dust/cat hair/etc. and it's hurting her lungs. At least she had the courtesy to let me know. The last two just disappeared.
And I'm grateful for the work she put in while she was here, but I'm still left with an awful mess and I'm running out of time to get it all taken care of. And I can't deal with it right now, either. I'm too busy, too exhausted, too, too, too.
I also don't know what to say to her, what to reply to her email. I feel let down and sad and a little angry and a little untrusting--like, what if this is just an excuse and she just can't stand to work with me? True, she was sneezing a lot while she was here. Of course, that's what the dust mask was for, but she didn't keep it on much. Neither did I, for that matter, but more than her. I think people who don't live with as much dust as is lying around here don't really "get" that, if you move it, it will go up into the air and you will get sick from it, one way or another. If/when (oh, really, it has to be "when") I find another assistant, I will simply have to enforce the proper wearing of the dust mask, at least until we get the place in order and the cleaning woman comes and takes the rest of the dust away.
I would love to have both a cleaner and an assistant come in once a month--at different times, of course--to keep the place in reasonably good order. Every other week would be better, of course, but I can't afford that.
Anyway, I guess I'm in a woe-is-me mode. I'm going to let myself feel that for the rest of the night (it's just about midnight, after all) and then get over it. And I'll answer her email tomorrow, somehow.
I'm too tired now to even write about what's going on with my family. Suffice it to say, if it's not one thing, it's another.
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