More to come

Yes, well, I did promise that, didn't I?

It's late, I'm tired, I have a tiny bit of wine in me (the last of the bottle, not even a full glass), but it's past time for me to write about how much I miss both of them--my cat and my father. In pretty much that order.

Except that's not what I want to write about. I do have to keep reminding myself that it's only been a few months since Smartie...and then two months since my father. I think I'm a fairly optimistic person, but I'm finding my usual defense of being in denial is not helping as much as usual. I'm horrified at the world I find myself living in, especially this country. I can't begin to describe how much I hate W. He's failed at everything he attempted to run before this and now he's run America into the ground, too. Sure, he's had help, but a different Fed chief, a different Treasury secretary, the financial idiocy of the last few years could have been avoided--for all I know, of course. And those are his men. Or Cheney's. Again, for all I know, which I don't. I'm just guessing. And that's just the financial mess. Our standing in the world as a nation is sullied, our men and women wasted in Iraq, the country's infrastructure ignored, the environment attacked...

But no sense crying over spilt milk, right? So that leaves the election in November to worry about. I'm torn between mobilizing to do everything I can for Obama and just trying to keep my head under the covers and hoping that it will work out and the Repuglicans won't steal it...again. As we get closer to the election, I am starting to divide my attention between watching The West Wing on DVD and thinking about ways I can give my time and money to Obama. This man on whom I pin so much hope and I really know very little about him. I can't bring myself to read all the news articles, watch all the shows that people I know post links to. It's so overwhelming.

And I want Smartie back. Since I can't have him, I want a "new" cat (probably a "pre-owned" cat). I can't afford it yet. And I don't know if I'll be moving next year or not--I simply can't think that far ahead. Part of me doesn't want to go through the upheaval of a move, not to mention that I can't imagine where I could go that I could afford. But I think at this point I'm not going to wait before getting a new cat. Soon as I finish paying off the old vet bills and for my website and for what I'm spending at the Obama fundraiser on Wednesday night, I'm going to start looking around. Maybe December. A Hanukah kitty.

Having said that, I'm enjoying not having the responsibility of another being. And also having the apartment getting to be in better shape all the time. I wish I was a better cleaner, though. I suppose I should get a cleaning person in here again--or let Mathew do it, I think he wants to, he keeps hinting at it. But I feel odd letting him do it and, since I've found I can handle doing it again (healthwise, I mean), I really should do it myself. I just really suck at it, plus there's so much else that I want/need to do with my time and energy. And, yeah, money.

Trying also to let go of stuff. I mean, you know, "Stuff". The apartment is so damn cluttered, which makes it even more difficult to clean. I'd like to have an unmessy, uncluttered place so I could move around.

And trying not to be depressed. It's not depression, at least not yet. I still walk around, get things done, see the bright side of things, laugh at myself more often than not. I'm still a pretty positive person, overall. Just not these days, not so much. Or, not as much as usual.

But, hey, I got here and I've posted. That's something, right?