Okay, I'm not feeling well. I'm coming down with a cold. It may not blossom into a full-fledged nightmare, but then again, it might. So maybe what I'm feeling is colored by my not feeling physically up to speed.
A young friend has done a couple of things lately that I felt/feel ... snubbed by. I really don't feel like he needs to include me in everything or anything, really, but it's like my friendship seems less important...which makes it sound like I think I should be important to him. And maybe that's because he's been important to me. And at a time when I would very much like to rely on him more, he seems to be pulling away. And this may just be timing, not anything to do with me specifically ... okay, my head is fuzzy, I'm having trouble articulating anything, much less anything as complicated as friendship.
Just wanted to put this out there. That I'd like to remain friends with him, with his husband, but I'm also feeling left out of other relationships where there's couples and maybe that's what I'm feeling also. I hate feeling like I'm on the outside looking in, but I also feel that that's where I am. A kid with her nose up against the bakery window. And it's not like I feel like I have much of anything to offer, especially lately. More than ever, I'm actually feeling "needy"--and I think I hate that more than anything else. It's more than just needing people, it's needing them for something else. Not just for themselves. It's not very attractive. In fact, it's quite the opposite.
Gawd, I need a vacation. A real one.
And, damn, I need to get back to exercising.
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